Cause I'd Do Anything To Hold Your Hand
by infinite-ecstasy
Summary: Not your avarage love story. Keneric. Rated M for drug/acohol use, extremely disturbing topics and sexual themes in later chapters.


_Hey everyone. A year ago, I wrote this story. Shortly after writing it I had to be hospitalized for my eating disorder. Through many months, I have been able to beat anorexia and I am now back and eager to write. I have improved on my writing and fixed most of my mistakes in this revised version of the first chapter. I would love to continue on this story, let me know what you think. Thank you, xoxo. ~Infinite-ecstasy_

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Have you ever loved someone so much, that it hurts? The fact that you literally feel warmth pulsating throughout your body every time you think of them, how absolutely special they are to you, and how you never want to leave them when you're together. How for some reason, you get jealous when they flirt with other people even though you have no right to be because you aren't in a relationship with them. How fucking happy they can make you feel just by simply texting you first or acknowledging your existance. I think in the end we'll all go through this. But this is just so much more than a crush. Never have I cared about someone as much as I care about Eric Theodore Cartman.

I'm Kenny McCormick. I'm 6 feet tall, 15 years old and I weigh 130 pounds. I am one of those skinny fuckers who no matter how much I eat, I can never gain shit. I am _extremely_ perverted. I'm a closeted bisexual with a preference for guys. I'm the poorest kid in my whole town and I live in a shed-like house with my two abusive parents and my older brother. I usually either come to school stoned or don't show up at all. I am a chainsmoker and it's terrible. Even though I am popular, I'm not quite open about my dark side.

It was January 3rd, most kids at South Park High still had a hangover from Token Black's Happy New Year party and had forgotten about the events that occurred just four nights prior, but for me it was a night I would not soon forget. I arrived at the Black estate at around 11:00 pm. When I opened the door, I was instantly overwhelmed by the familiar scent of marijuana and cinnamon rolls (Token's signature scent.). "Heeeeeeeey Kenny!" some horny chick named Kelly (I think!) exclaimed as she greeted me by grinding her pelvis into my hips while she hugged me. It's okay, I'm used to this kind of attention from girls.

Anyway, after finally getting her off of me I walked to the kitchen to grab some fuckin' booze (and seek Eric!). When I finally reached the kitchen my eyes, being the alcohol seeking missiles they were, instantly saw about 4 bottles of Absolut Vodka, three kegs of Heineken, and what seemed like a hundred cans of Four-Loko in every color you could imagine! My liver ached looking at it, that's when I knew this night was going to be fun.

At around 11:30 as I was only about half-buzzed, Cartman arrived already looking pretty wasted himself. "Sorreh I'm late everyone! I was with Butters." He stumbled as he said it because he was completely intoxicated. My horn dog personality caused me to check him out as he walked through the doorway. Eric had become much different than he was in his childhood years, he grew into his body well and was at a perfect weight for his large muscle mass and 6'2 figure, but to me he was always perfect.

I walked over to him, and gave him a bro-hug as a greeting, but he denied it and gave me instead a huge hug for like 10 seconds, but who's counting! The other kids wanted to play some drinking games, but Eric said he was feeling under the weather and asked me to walk him out. We sat on token's front porch. He then looked at me with the most heartbroken eyes I had ever seen.

"I wasn't with that fag Butters. Keyney, I was at home, at my mom's party. She was snorting coke out of her friend Stephanie's asshole. I was getting wasted from guzzling Smirnoff and other shit she had laying around the kitchen, I had to get away. I just had to. I hate her like this it's fucked up.." He mumbled words I couldn't make out under his breath. He was pretty fucked up from everything he drank. I knew I had to get him home. Tears started rolling down his rosy cheeks as I held him in my arms. We cried together. What can I say? If he's upset, I'm upset.

It was 30 seconds to midnight and I looked into his eyes and, just as the clock struck midnight, he put his lips to mine. He opened his mouth slowly, but never broke the eye contact. Carefully, he inserted his tongue into my mouth, I responded by tenderly licking at his tongue with my own as we shared this passionate kiss. Eric softly bit my lips, and I loved it. I loved him.

In a flash, Eric pulled away and ran to the side of the porch railing. He began to vomit violently, so I put my hands on his back sympathetically. "Come on dude, let's get you home." I walked him to my car and helped him inside. I started up my dad's bruised-up little pickup truck and began to drive to Eric's. He was sniffling and mumbling to himself as he looked out the window. I lit a cigarette and sighed. He had such a tough life because of the fact that his mom was a drug addict and a prostitute. As a child he would always take it out on his closest friends as a cry for attention, nowadays he just breaks down. I've grown increasingly worried about him.

I approached Eric's house and looked around, making sure that nobody was home so that he would be able to go straight to bed. Thank god, the bitch and all her druggie friends were out of his house. I parked the car and helped him out. I then walked him inside, took him up to his room, and made sure that he would go straight to bed. "Kenneh." He said, in a subtle voice that could melt even the coldest of hearts. "Yes, Eric?" I replied with concern in my voice. "I want you to know that nobody has ever cared like you did to me tonight and I love you." Even though it wasn't proper English, and he was drunk as fuck, I took it to heart. I gave him a kiss on his forehead and hugged him goodnight. I went back to my car and drove the fuck home.

The memory of that night is permanently burned into my brain, not that I'm complaining! Now that it was the first day of school since break I decided to roll out of my shitty little inexpensive bed and get ready for school. I threw my signature orange parka over my head, and then tossed on the nearest pair of jeans I could find that were lying on the floor and I left for school.

As I walked, I couldn't help but think of that night, and how I hadn't seen cartman since it. I didn't know how he was going to react so I decided to avoid him a little, the last thing I want is to accidentally upset him. When I got to the bus stop I saw Eric dressed in baggy jeans and a black overshirt, looking cute as fuck. Stan was there too, but no sign of Kyle.

"Hey, Ken." Stan greeted me as usual with his monotone, depressing voice. Stan had changed a lot since we were younger as well. He turned into your everyday typical emo faggot. Complete with long choppy, layered, jet-black hair, bracelets almost up to his elbows, some retarded screamo band t-shirt, huge holes in his ears and chick jeans that must make his balls beg for mercy. He even wore thin black eyeliner! Although, it wasn't a bad look on him. Wendy sure had something to do with his change in appearance, because if anything she was the scene queen of the whole fucking town.

"Hey." Eric said, flatly. Something was up. "Hey guys, what's up?" I replied, trying to make small talk. We talked about some stupid show on TV last night for about 10 minutes, then the bus finally decided to show up, rescuing me from that awkward position with Eric. I tried to sit alone in the back but sure enough, Eric called to me.

"Kenny, dude! Sit here." I wasn't going to pass off an offer to sit with him, so I took a seat beside him. "I know you've been avoiding me since Token's party." He choked, sounding like he was going to start bawling. "I just want you to know, I'm not a fag. I'm 100 percent straight. I would never threaten our friendship with something more. So... whatever happened, forget about it and let's just move on from that." He looked at me. "Whatevs." was all I managed to choke out.

I threw my hood over my face, popped my headphones in and blasted Nirvana in order to escape this fucking hell. Here I was, thinking Eric loved me just like he told me. It was the fucking alcohol. He didn't love me, he was just too drunk to understand what was happening. The only person I could ever want, did not feel the same.


End file.
